Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
