Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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