So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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