we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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