Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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