im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
how drunk are you?
Several
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
