I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
