To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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