i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
