She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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