I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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