i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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