4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
me + whiskey = a bad person
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
