I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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