I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
