I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
