I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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