When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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