I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
