my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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