the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
