I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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