You're my little dorito
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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