I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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