when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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