I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
