you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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