Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
