do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
birth control should be required to get into college
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
