Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
