ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
