So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
