To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
