I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
