i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
