During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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