I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
