I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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