He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
