Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
