somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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