After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
