omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
