So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
