Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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