he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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