For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
