That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
