I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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