I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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