is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
