I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
