Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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