Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
