she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
