You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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